When Jeremy and I became in engaged almost fourteen months ago, I made a promise to myself and to him that I wouldn’t become a Bridezilla. I’d heard enough stories about crazy women becoming complete alternate versions of themselves and they became immersed in wedding planning, and I didn’t want anything remotely close to that to happen to me. I wanted the experience to be fun and full of memories-in-the-making, not stressful and insane. Both my husband-to-be and I are very laid back people, so the chances of us resembling the little girl from the Exorcist were slim to none, but it was always in the back of my mind to make a conscious effort to remain stress-free.
I’ve come to the conclusion that being stress free in the weeks leading up to your wedding is a nearly impossible feat. As far as I know, my head hasn’t started spinning as I screamed things like “I TOLD YOU I WANTED WHITE LINENS!” or “THIS IS NOT THE FONT WE AGREED ON FOR THE PROGRAM!” but there have been times where I had to remind myself to take a deep breath because everything would work out in time.
The thing about planning a wedding is that at certain points along the way, you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. One moment you’re deciding whether or not you want Asiago or Muenster cheese in your asparagus puff appetizer and the next moment you’re engrossed in a major existential thought that leads to all sorts of self discovery. And I’m not just talking about what kind of cheese you prefer.
One of the first, and probably most important things I learned is that I am much better at compromise than I ever thought I could be. I can be sort of a firecracker- very steadfast in my resolves and often very stubborn when it comes to doing things someone else’s way. I never imagined myself getting married in a church. I’ve never been particularly religious –I didn’t grow up as such and it never factored into my life until I met Jeremy, who was raised with a religious background. From the get-go, he said he wanted to be married in a church, and for someone who never asks for much of anything, you can bet it must be important to him. I couldn’t shake the thought of our wedding day being anything less than either one of us imagined, but it seemed like we were heading down that path. How could our wedding be in a church, yet be secular enough to suit my tastes as well?
That was when I discovered my alter ego, Ms. Surprise Compromise. We’re in this thing together, for the rest of our lives, so why should our wedding day be the Jessica Show? We looked into our options, and found a fantastic Episcopal priest at a church with a perfect location downtown. He was willing to work with the two of us to make sure we were comfortable with the whole day. We were allowed to select readings from Song of Solomon that read like poems, we got rid of the out-dated “Who gives this woman away” jazz, and he’s letting us replace the traditional organ hymns with Beatles songs played by a string quartet. (In case you’re curious: Grow Old With Me, When I’m 64, and Imaginewill be played pre-ceremony, If I Fell is the wedding party processional, I walk down the aisle to I Will, Blackbird will be played in between readings, and our recessional will be, of course, All You Need Is Love.) How rad is this priest?
Somewhere along the way I also discovered that I’m slightly more traditional that I thought I was. Don’t get all excited. I said slightly. We’re still opting for the cute little cupcakes shaped like bird’s nests instead of a cake, we’re still going to have our infamous Midnight Snack table for guests to load up little satchels of candy, and snacks on their way out, and I’m really excited about the tattoo to commemorate our wedding that I ’m getting on our honeymoon (sorry Mom!) Still, I didn’t want to be making decisions just because they were non-traditional. I didn’t want to be like one of those 14 year old kids that hang out in the mall at Hot Topic and wear striped socks pulled up to their knees or dog collars around their necks because it’s so different. For example, It’s okay that I always thought I’d waltz down the aisle wearing my something blue on my feet, only to search for months for the right kicks, completely in vain. Then one day, completely by accident, I stumbled across the perfect pair of vintage peep toes in – gasp… white. Yeah, all brides wear white shoes. I. Don’t. Care.
Although I initially thought I would ditch the head table for the more modern sweetheart tables with the bridal party in rounds nearby, it didn’t seem to work with our venue. The room is much longer than it is wide, and there was no feasible way for us to design the floor plan to make it look the way we wanted. I really stomped my feet over this one, because to me head tables are a throwback to 1983. I envisioned gaggles of puffy sleeved bridesmaids with wall bangs and white tuxedo clad groomsmen and rat tails sitting at a big long table with an ice sculpture at one end and a five tiered wedding cake decorated with those awful plastic bridges and topped with teddy bears dressed as bride and groom.
When I finally accepted defeat and realized that we’d be going with the head table after all, it was sort of a blow to me for a solid couple of days. Then I thought about it some more and realized that our wedding party were made up out of the people we hold closest in our lives – our best friends, our siblings, the first people to congratulate us on our engagement and the people we wanted standing up there with us as we became husband and wife. We should all be sitting together. We’ll have a blast, modern weddings be damned, I’m going to sit in the middle of that big old head table and be proud. But I’m totally not having an ice sculpture.
I also didn’t think I wanted to throw a bouquet, go through all the rigmarole with the garter, have people stand in line to pay us for dances, or do anything resembling an Electric Slide. I’ve changed my mind on a lot of that, because I realized that it’ s fun. Our guests are going to have four solid hours of dancing, it’s kind of nice to break up the monotony with a single woman free-for-all over flowers. We’re still not doing the garter thing, and there is no way in hell the Chicken Dance is getting played, but I’ve put myself in my guests shoes and realized it’s okay to let loose and be slightly ridiculous. Traditional and lame can be mutually exclusive.
And last, but not least, I realized that I rather like myself just the way I am. I didn’t go on a crazy crash diet to morph into a body that I’ve never had, and probably will never again have in my life. I didn’t go tanning to become a weird shade that I’ll probably never again be in my life. I didn’t get hair extentions, fake nails, or zoom whitening for my chompers. No, this is one girl that people will recognize when she walks down the aisle. And those people? Well, they like me just the way I am, and I do too.
So this wedding planning thing has been fun, and in a way I don’t want it to end. I could definitely live with the pampering, presents, and cupcake tastings for a few more months, but it’s time. I’m ready to walk down that aisle in a couple of weeks and become a spouse, now more sure of who I am than ever before.
Proximity Infatuation 